Yesterday I posted an article from 1894 on instructions to a young woman on intimacy in marriage. It was of course NOT instructions that any wife should follow. The article, did relate to how pre meditated a woman can become about building walls between true intimacy with her husband. These walls are often the result of guarding herself from the hurts of the past.
In her book Kiss Me Again, Barbara Wilson provides numerous stories of some of these women. Some were physically abused as a young girl, some may have been raped, some may have been promiscuous in order to obtain “love.” What ever the reason, these women are now wives who truly love their husbands and desire to have a close and intimate bond with them.
But they can’t…….. they can’t because their guilt or memory of trauma have inhibited them from “feeling.” So what can they do? How do they change?
Barbara Wilson points them to the Lord. “God can heal anything. And the best part? Not only can He, but He wants to. And He will.” She goes on to explain the difference between forgiveness and healing.
Forgiveness with God occurs right away!
Healing will take a while…….
When the past is related to a sin we commited, such as promiscuity or pre-marital sex. Then the process starts with confession of your sins. Lay your sins at the foot of the cross. Having faith that God’s Word has told us he removes our sin as far as the east is from the west and in Romans 8:1 reminds us there is no condemnation. Once this is done, you are forgiven. Immediately, without hesitation, DONE.
If, however the hurt is related to what someone else did to you it seems to big. But nothing is too big for God. God knows everything, He knows what happened and He knows you were an object of a fallen world. When this is the case you must pray and rest in a God who is the very definition of pure love.
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
3 to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified
Isaiah 61:1-3
God alone can open up the prison of a closed heart. Trust in Him.
“Kiss Me Again” is a good book with wonderful and helpful information and counsel up to page 107. At this point I strongly disagree with Barbara Wilson in the section is entitled, “Asking God to Break Sexual Bonds.” The author suggests the individual follow these steps:
“1. Ask God to bring to mind everyone you’ve had sexual contact with—-voluntarily or involuntarily. Wait quietly, allowing God to bring names to memory.”
STOP !!!!!!!
Secular psychologists may ask you to recall/relive your hurts as if you are exorcising them in this manner. The Bible however tells us not to be conformed to the world…… but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Philippians 4:8
God is omniscient HE knows who and how we have been hurt or sinned. Dwelling on and recalling these occurences serves no healing purpose.
From here the healing begins. As stated previously, healing is a journey. The walls around your heart were not erected in a day, likewise, your healing will take a while. Remember, while you may take months to learn to trust and allow yourself to feel vulnerable, God is with you and He will give you strength.
P.S. For those of you who have “only” had pre-marital sex with your spouse… this applies to you! All sin seperates us from God. As long as you and your husband continue never having confessed your sin against each other, The Lord cannot bless you in all of the wonderful ways He has for you.
Please, if this is you, confess this sin to God and ask Him for strength and the words He would have you use. Go to you spouse and confess. Ask their forgiveness and pray they will likewise confess to you.
This book was provided for review by the WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group.
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