Recently published October 6, 2009 by HarperCollins
A women’s studies professor I had in graduate school once suggested that the real problems of sexism were not caused so much by the ways we define femininity and womanhood as by our complete inability to define masculinity and manhood except in opposition to womanhood. If I am a man, and I can only define myself as that which is not womanly, then I am forced to take the qualities I think of as feminine and construct myself as representing the inverse of those qualities in order to maintain my hegemonic power over women. I am, in essence, saying “I am a man because I am NOT a woman.”
In Manhood for Amateurs: The Pleasures and Regrets of a Husband, Father, and Son, Michael Chabon, whether he intended to or not, begins to resolve that problem by actively constructing a definition of modern masculinity. He explores the nature and meaning of fatherhood, acknowleding that “a father is a man who fails every day,” and he readily acknowledges that “a double standard is at work” in the ways we evaluate men and women as parents. In the essay “William and I,” Chabon notes that his smallest action of caring for his child can prompt a stranger at the grocery store to tell him that she can tell he is a good father, yet women are held to an infinitely higher and ultimately impossible standard.
And he is not okay with it.
I define being a good father in precisely the same terms that we ought to define being a good mother— doing my part to handle and stay on top of the endless parade of piddly shit.
It was smart of Chabon to put that essay near the beginning of the collection because it made me love him right off the bat. I mean, who doesn’t love a modern man with progressively feminist principles who will also admit that he occasionally enjoys the benefits of the double standard? Chabon’s honesty and insight are so very refreshing.
Especially when he fesses up to throwing away his children’s art work and admitting to them that he has more than a little experience smoking pot and acknowledging that he knows that part of his role as a parent is to be the original destroyer of his children’s innocence, since he will inevitably be the first to disappoint them.
My favorite of the 39 essays in Manhood for Amateurs was “The Wilderness of Childhood,” in which Chabon steps beyond his exploration of manhood to explore the ways in which changes in society and approaches to parenting have altered the nature of childhood. Stating that “childhood is a branch of cartography” and that “childhood is, or has been, or ought to be, the great original adventure,” he bemoans the lack of freedom today’s children experience. Gone are the days of running out the front door after dinner for a few hours of unfettered bike riding or game playing with the kids down the street. Activities are scheduled and supervised, and freedom is limited, and Chabon is concerned—rightfully so, if you ask me—about the consequences of these restrictions.
If children are not permitted—are not taught—to be adventurers and explorers as children, what will become of the world of adventure, of stories, of literature itself?
Going one step further in “Hypocritical Theory,” Chabon complains that children no longer have any space in which they can be free of adult control. He recalls the potty jokes and sick humor that were once the private property and secret hiding places of children have become “the trademarked product and property of adults” who co-opt, re-create, package, and market products that prey on children’s enjoyment of gross humor and use it to make profit. In “The Splendors of Crap” Chabon praises the pop culture elements of the past that became the basis for kids’ imagination-fueled games and complains that children’s entertainment today is so overdone and overpackaged that it no longer affords the same flexibility and inspiration. What children need is
Free space, free play, and the sense of independent control over a world that is vague and discoverable at its edges.
There are simply too many wonderful pieces in this book to discuss them all, so I’ll share a few more of my favorite quotes with you and hope it will entice you to pick up this wonderful new volume for yourself or one of the men in your life.
From “Faking It”
This is an essential element of the business of being a man: to flood everyone around you in a great radiant arc of bullshit…to give the appearance of keeping your head when, deep inside, the truest part of you is crying out, Oh, shit!
From “I Feel Good About My Murse” (once of the funniest in the collection):
Purses are for women; a purse is basically a vagina with a strap.
and
For true contentment, one must carry a book at all times, and great books so rarely fit, my friends, into one’s pocket.
From “Xmas”
The antidote to any kind of bullshit, bad faith, hypocrisy, or cant, whether offered in the name of Jesus or of multiculturalism, is always education.
Can you tell why I’m a little bit in love with Michael Chabon now?
Manhood for Amateurs is an erudite, intellectual, and incredibly insightful exploration of masculinity and the roles men play in contemporary society. As happens in collections like this, some of the pieces are better than others, but all are honest and interesting, and they are woven together and organized very thoughtfully. I’d recommend it for anyone interested in contemporary gender issues, a new perspective on parenting, or just a great book for a quiet evening. 4.5 out of 5.
Michael Chabon is married to writer Ayelet Waldman, who discussed her own take on parenting in Bad Mother earlier this year (guest reviewed by my friend Kristen here). The couple have four children.
Click here for an NPR interview with Michael Chabon.
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